White confession isn’t justice. This essay exposes how white guilt performances turn anti-racism spaces into confessional rituals that preserve power instead of redistributing it.
Lovette, your clarity slices through the fog that so often cloaks anti-racism work in performance and palatability. The framing of “confession as extraction” and “white guilt as a degradation kink” is not only accurate—it’s devastatingly timely.
This is the emotional over-touch I’ve been writing about in Chronically Under and Over Touched™: where power uses proximity to Blackness not to redistribute resources or restructure systems, but to relieve itself. Where white tears demand our labor, and guilt becomes a spectacle instead of a gateway to change.
We see the same patterns:
Absolution instead of accountability
Confession without consequence
Apology as performance, not repair
And perhaps most chilling: the way whiteness still demands to be touched—held, soothed, educated—even while refusing to surrender anything in return.
Your refusal to sell “safe absolution” or perform for comfort is revolutionary and deeply necessary. This kind of boundary work is not just resistance—it’s restoration. You remind us that not all touch is healing, and not all access is earned.
“Action is the only genuine proof of meaningful shame. Fund mutual aid consistently. Pay for therapy and healthcare in communities deprived of both. Redistribute land and resources. Step down from monopolized leadership positions. Rewrite hiring policies. Write checks without strings attached.”
Omg this is so brilliant 💜 With every paragraph, I could see scenes I’ve already lived (in my case, in French-speaking anti-racist spaces). Thank you so much for this text!
I never fully grasped the power dynamics of dominance and submission in racial contexts until reading this. Your analogy casts a sharp light on the insidious nature of ‘confessional’ white allyship, where vulnerability becomes a performance rather than a commitment to action. It also made me reflect on the times I unintentionally validated those behaviors by accepting apologies without holding anyone accountable. This shifted something in me.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Spot on! Very much going to keep re-reading this for all the gems it laid out.
The performative "lip service" allyship (even if not words, shallow deeds like donations to Black "causes" without changing racist beliefs) is self-excusing garbage.
These faux woe-is-me individuals do not see their performance for what it is, precisely because it is so shallow.
A deeply inspired-to-change human would start within. Not trying to "help" with saviorship, using Black people as therapists to trauma-dump their guilt upon, and feeling their experience of discomfort deserves focus (i.e., centering), or using it to try to prove they are "doing the work".
I appreciate your post. This is a reminder for me the work is always personal, and starts with me.
I saw how this played out today online. Without digressing from your post, yes, there are even some of the "skinfolk" who coddle people when the truth is obvious. (I saw the comments under this post, an obvious woman who was no "nanny" by choice https://www.facebook.com/share/p/19XwV4ppbN/ did a little Google lens search digging and clearly confirmed the obvious truth about that same photo https://www.reddit.com/r/TheWayWeWere/comments/1lxyvqe/comment/n2qwur6/? and realized how many folks coddle people who are clearly uncomfortable with the truth.)
I immediately recognized all of the behavior mentioned here. And then I had to wonder, how much of this may I do? It’s so easy to spot with others and think you’re the “good white” but I think I’ll need to engage in some introspection to see if I am also falling into this trap.
It makes me think of “colorblind racism” and I think there is a lot of that within the white “anti racist” space.
White Lotus Season, Mark Mossbacher: “Look, obviously, imperialism was bad. Shouldn't kill people, steal their land, and then make them dance. Everybody knows that. But it's humanity. Welcome to history. Welcome to America.”
Shame isn’t necessarily a trigger for intrinsic motivation. DEI was destined to fail because paradigm shifts require intrinsic motivation, deep shadow work, soul integration, belief work, healing of family miasms, and a heart-centered mindset.
Shame on its own isn’t transformation for everyone, it is for me personally when I name it and share it. For others especially those socialised as white it’s often just a reflex to avoid accountability while feeling moral. It can spotlight the harm, but without real risk or loss, it rarely changes power dynamics.
You’re right that real change asks for something deeper. Not just shadow work or personal reckoning, but material redistribution and structural shifts. We can’t meditate our way out of systems built on extraction.
I’m trying to name that gap: the difference between confessing guilt and surrendering anything of value.
That gap is the Survival Paradigm of Victim Consciousness (Power vs Force, and the Map of Consciousness), which holds a thought form of a false, limiting belief in lack or limitation, fear and loss. The response is force, and means of control.
D Hawkins and his spiritual bypassing my people predate 🤭
I know that framework.
But here’s the thing: it’s not just about individual consciousness levels or spiritual paradigms. It’s about actual, material power. People can do all the belief work they want, but if they don’t redistribute resources, cede space, or change structures, the harm remains.
Shame and guilt are unhelpful if they’re performative. But pretending it’s only internal limits or fear of loss ignores real, structural loss imposed on others. Accountability isn’t force, it’s risk, material change, and refusing to keep profiting from stolen comfort.
I hear you. I get that you’re meeting people where they are.
But I don’t separate the two so cleanly. The spiritual and the material aren’t in a hierarchy. They braid. The root isn’t only belief—it’s also the systems built to preserve those beliefs.
People can evolve all the consciousness they want and still benefit from stolen land or generational wealth. You can’t meditate away what you refuse to give up.
That’s what I’m naming here. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.
But good luck with your framing meeting you where you are and accepting what you believe in I have no interest in changing anyone’s mind. To each their freedom of being 🫶🏾
In the interest of clear expectations: what do you hope to achieve with your writings, if not changed minds and kindly communicated public discourse? I’m confused. If I overstepped the boundaries of your space, I’ll gladly step back.
If it isn’t apparent already for all who follow me and know my work. I name Black, brown, and trans people together because these communities often overlap, and because anti-racism spaces can harm multiple marginalized groups through the same extractive dynamics. It’s about recognizing intersectional harm, not claiming these identities are identical.
I'm new to your work/substack. I need to find these writings because this argument doesn't make sense to me yet. If you feel like dropping a link that describes your take best on this, I'll read heartily!
I’ve given you a clear explanation of your question here. My work is public, so is my website including my About page here as well and under every post at the bottom, which outlines my approach and values in detail. You’re welcome to read further there if you want more context.
At the bottom of every essay an introduction to me is there and what I stand for. Groups of people. My entire substack is free no paywall showing my work in communities trans/Black diaspora. Then there is my website linked in my bio if you need more info is what I mean.
But as for for your initial question I Clarified and answered that. Trans people Brown and Black why I mentioned the marginalisations and race. Or did you have further questions on that?
This is your best piece yet. Thank you massively for putting this to words. The same thing happens in so many spaces where "allies" from the oppressor class prowl.
Hey just a quick check: I noticed there was "while keeping the key to the mansion firmly in their pocket" twice as a sentence cap, two paragraphs apart.
It’s because in my tedtalk which inspired this piece I speak of antiracists having a key they can use and it kept tinkering in my head am surprised it didn’t feature four times. I am a queen of typos 😭
Typos are not why we read your work; I didn't notice any of them.
Also, I remember reading a very thought-provoking piece by a Black woman (cannot find the link) where she stated that we don't have to be perfect when we write. That, too much of that, can also be a product of white supremacy. Not always, but just when people roll into the comments on this other particular writer's LinkedIn and "police" her grammar simply because they do not like the message, feel uncomfortable, or feel it was more important to comment, not on the message, but on one or two typos. SMH.
The main thing is the message, not that it has to be grammatically "perfect" to get the message conveyed.
I have a lot of typos, too.
Thank you for your work. We don't care about typos, though. Your message is one of courage!
I broke my nail girl! When I wrote that LBee post and I haven’t fixed it yet so every time am typing I get sliding on my keyboard and hit n’s and b’s all messed up. And my keyboard is Swedish English so it never alerts me accurately for spellchecks.
Lovette, your clarity slices through the fog that so often cloaks anti-racism work in performance and palatability. The framing of “confession as extraction” and “white guilt as a degradation kink” is not only accurate—it’s devastatingly timely.
This is the emotional over-touch I’ve been writing about in Chronically Under and Over Touched™: where power uses proximity to Blackness not to redistribute resources or restructure systems, but to relieve itself. Where white tears demand our labor, and guilt becomes a spectacle instead of a gateway to change.
We see the same patterns:
Absolution instead of accountability
Confession without consequence
Apology as performance, not repair
And perhaps most chilling: the way whiteness still demands to be touched—held, soothed, educated—even while refusing to surrender anything in return.
Your refusal to sell “safe absolution” or perform for comfort is revolutionary and deeply necessary. This kind of boundary work is not just resistance—it’s restoration. You remind us that not all touch is healing, and not all access is earned.
Thank you for making space sacred again.
“Action is the only genuine proof of meaningful shame. Fund mutual aid consistently. Pay for therapy and healthcare in communities deprived of both. Redistribute land and resources. Step down from monopolized leadership positions. Rewrite hiring policies. Write checks without strings attached.”
THIS.
Thank you for this wonderful piece. ❤️
Omg this is so brilliant 💜 With every paragraph, I could see scenes I’ve already lived (in my case, in French-speaking anti-racist spaces). Thank you so much for this text!
I never fully grasped the power dynamics of dominance and submission in racial contexts until reading this. Your analogy casts a sharp light on the insidious nature of ‘confessional’ white allyship, where vulnerability becomes a performance rather than a commitment to action. It also made me reflect on the times I unintentionally validated those behaviors by accepting apologies without holding anyone accountable. This shifted something in me.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Spot on! Very much going to keep re-reading this for all the gems it laid out.
The performative "lip service" allyship (even if not words, shallow deeds like donations to Black "causes" without changing racist beliefs) is self-excusing garbage.
These faux woe-is-me individuals do not see their performance for what it is, precisely because it is so shallow.
A deeply inspired-to-change human would start within. Not trying to "help" with saviorship, using Black people as therapists to trauma-dump their guilt upon, and feeling their experience of discomfort deserves focus (i.e., centering), or using it to try to prove they are "doing the work".
I appreciate your post. This is a reminder for me the work is always personal, and starts with me.
I saw how this played out today online. Without digressing from your post, yes, there are even some of the "skinfolk" who coddle people when the truth is obvious. (I saw the comments under this post, an obvious woman who was no "nanny" by choice https://www.facebook.com/share/p/19XwV4ppbN/ did a little Google lens search digging and clearly confirmed the obvious truth about that same photo https://www.reddit.com/r/TheWayWeWere/comments/1lxyvqe/comment/n2qwur6/? and realized how many folks coddle people who are clearly uncomfortable with the truth.)
Powerful and brilliant. I need this mirror, this language, this teaching. Keep it up!
I immediately recognized all of the behavior mentioned here. And then I had to wonder, how much of this may I do? It’s so easy to spot with others and think you’re the “good white” but I think I’ll need to engage in some introspection to see if I am also falling into this trap.
It makes me think of “colorblind racism” and I think there is a lot of that within the white “anti racist” space.
AGREED. Well done. That being said…
White Lotus Season, Mark Mossbacher: “Look, obviously, imperialism was bad. Shouldn't kill people, steal their land, and then make them dance. Everybody knows that. But it's humanity. Welcome to history. Welcome to America.”
Shame isn’t necessarily a trigger for intrinsic motivation. DEI was destined to fail because paradigm shifts require intrinsic motivation, deep shadow work, soul integration, belief work, healing of family miasms, and a heart-centered mindset.
(Edited)
Thank you. You are doing great work. I hope you keep it going. 💫🫶🏽
Shame on its own isn’t transformation for everyone, it is for me personally when I name it and share it. For others especially those socialised as white it’s often just a reflex to avoid accountability while feeling moral. It can spotlight the harm, but without real risk or loss, it rarely changes power dynamics.
You’re right that real change asks for something deeper. Not just shadow work or personal reckoning, but material redistribution and structural shifts. We can’t meditate our way out of systems built on extraction.
I’m trying to name that gap: the difference between confessing guilt and surrendering anything of value.
That gap is the Survival Paradigm of Victim Consciousness (Power vs Force, and the Map of Consciousness), which holds a thought form of a false, limiting belief in lack or limitation, fear and loss. The response is force, and means of control.
D Hawkins and his spiritual bypassing my people predate 🤭
I know that framework.
But here’s the thing: it’s not just about individual consciousness levels or spiritual paradigms. It’s about actual, material power. People can do all the belief work they want, but if they don’t redistribute resources, cede space, or change structures, the harm remains.
Shame and guilt are unhelpful if they’re performative. But pretending it’s only internal limits or fear of loss ignores real, structural loss imposed on others. Accountability isn’t force, it’s risk, material change, and refusing to keep profiting from stolen comfort.
Again, agreed. Your people are my people, I’m also aware of ancient and ancestral frameworks, I’m trying to meet Substack readers where they are.
The spiritual comes first before the material. We can solve problems best at the level at which they are created, at the root.
I hear you. I get that you’re meeting people where they are.
But I don’t separate the two so cleanly. The spiritual and the material aren’t in a hierarchy. They braid. The root isn’t only belief—it’s also the systems built to preserve those beliefs.
People can evolve all the consciousness they want and still benefit from stolen land or generational wealth. You can’t meditate away what you refuse to give up.
That’s what I’m naming here. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.
But good luck with your framing meeting you where you are and accepting what you believe in I have no interest in changing anyone’s mind. To each their freedom of being 🫶🏾
In the interest of clear expectations: what do you hope to achieve with your writings, if not changed minds and kindly communicated public discourse? I’m confused. If I overstepped the boundaries of your space, I’ll gladly step back.
>spaces where Black, brown, and trans people
RIP anyone care to explain why trans has colonized the POC category now
Clarify your question?
If it isn’t apparent already for all who follow me and know my work. I name Black, brown, and trans people together because these communities often overlap, and because anti-racism spaces can harm multiple marginalized groups through the same extractive dynamics. It’s about recognizing intersectional harm, not claiming these identities are identical.
I'm new to your work/substack. I need to find these writings because this argument doesn't make sense to me yet. If you feel like dropping a link that describes your take best on this, I'll read heartily!
I’ve given you a clear explanation of your question here. My work is public, so is my website including my About page here as well and under every post at the bottom, which outlines my approach and values in detail. You’re welcome to read further there if you want more context.
I'll try to find it. Is it like a whole piece with a title? Or is it just kinda hidden in between the other topics/ writings?
At the bottom of every essay an introduction to me is there and what I stand for. Groups of people. My entire substack is free no paywall showing my work in communities trans/Black diaspora. Then there is my website linked in my bio if you need more info is what I mean.
But as for for your initial question I Clarified and answered that. Trans people Brown and Black why I mentioned the marginalisations and race. Or did you have further questions on that?
This is your best piece yet. Thank you massively for putting this to words. The same thing happens in so many spaces where "allies" from the oppressor class prowl.
Hey just a quick check: I noticed there was "while keeping the key to the mansion firmly in their pocket" twice as a sentence cap, two paragraphs apart.
It’s because in my tedtalk which inspired this piece I speak of antiracists having a key they can use and it kept tinkering in my head am surprised it didn’t feature four times. I am a queen of typos 😭
Typos are not why we read your work; I didn't notice any of them.
Also, I remember reading a very thought-provoking piece by a Black woman (cannot find the link) where she stated that we don't have to be perfect when we write. That, too much of that, can also be a product of white supremacy. Not always, but just when people roll into the comments on this other particular writer's LinkedIn and "police" her grammar simply because they do not like the message, feel uncomfortable, or feel it was more important to comment, not on the message, but on one or two typos. SMH.
The main thing is the message, not that it has to be grammatically "perfect" to get the message conveyed.
I have a lot of typos, too.
Thank you for your work. We don't care about typos, though. Your message is one of courage!
I broke my nail girl! When I wrote that LBee post and I haven’t fixed it yet so every time am typing I get sliding on my keyboard and hit n’s and b’s all messed up. And my keyboard is Swedish English so it never alerts me accurately for spellchecks.
So am out here like have a couple of å ä ö 😂😂🫶🏾
This makes me appreciate the important work you do even more.
Thank you!
I am grateful that you are still hanging in there despite all of this.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.
I will get it fixed before my birthday on Saturday 🤭
Early Happy Birthday to You!!! 🎂🥳🎉🎈
May your Birthday week be filled with joy, rest, and love.
May you look back at all your accomplishments with wonder and satisfaction!
You have a fantastic gift of bringing truth and authenticity with your words.
I hope this 2025 birthday is one of your brightest!