Never stoppp! I totally agree. & it’s become so common. For me it’s entirely a form of vanity. They’re more concerned with performing goodness, rather than actually meeting people where they are. I’m with you on this 100%
They tire me! I am cool with people who own their emotions and articulate “I feel like” and “I feel” but throw a “you make me feel” or “I know how you feel” without clarifying especially when I have alexithymia so my feelings arrive five years later and I don’t name them; well we are tussling and I am staying away. People are transparent and can’t own their emotions yet push it on others and call everyone else labels which isn’t humanity at all. Let me stop. 🛑😂
You may as well have addressed me about my ex directly 😮💨 from the expectation of unconditional love without even trying to pretend to return that energy, to every move being transactional. Wish I had this article a few years ago 🙏🙏🙏🙌
Josh! Whew. I promise I wasn’t looking through your window when I wrote it 😮💨
But that kind of one-sided emotional economy? It leaves marks.
I’m glad the piece found you now, even if it’s a few years late. Sometimes we don’t need retroactive closure we just need language that finally mirrors what we went through. 🙏🏾
Sending you steadiness, clarity, and better energy going forward.
Thank you for this clear differentiation of empathy and how it can be used as manipulation. Many of the most pathological personalities I have studied definitely have empathy, almost heightened ability to “read” others. What they lack is a conscience. Like you so brilliantly outlined, they use it for manipulation (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. It is a spectrum for sure).
The concept of someone lacking empathy has been elevated to the main way to tell if someone is a good person or not, and that is dangerous.
I agree also about anyone who declares “I am an empath”, I run also!! To me, anyone who says that is saying “I have no boundaries and this relationship will be all about my needs, and I’m just a victim to my empath status”. Which is not something I am willing to be part of anymore in my life.
I’m reading this with deep reflection, truly considering how I use the word empathy. For a long time, I avoided terms like this—until naming emotions became an expectation. Instead of allowing feelings to flow naturally within my connections, I found myself analyzing and accounting for each one.
There have even been moments when I’ve stopped to question whether I’m misusing empathy, as if it were a warning sign. I’ve always been a deeply emotional person, and through life’s challenges, I’ve come to see both the beauty and the flaws in human nature. Still, my heart has always leaned toward kindness, wanting to believe the best in people. Yet, over time, empathy has also become something I wrestle with—especially when faced with the contradictions of those who claim to care.
This post has given me another reason to reflect on my relationship with empathy. Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking perspective.
I am glad this post gave you space to reflect on your relationship with empathy. It’s an evolving process, and it’s okay to question and redefine what it means and looks like for you. Thank you for engaging with this so thoughtfully. 🙏🏾
THISSSSS!!!!
Never stoppp! I totally agree. & it’s become so common. For me it’s entirely a form of vanity. They’re more concerned with performing goodness, rather than actually meeting people where they are. I’m with you on this 100%
They tire me! I am cool with people who own their emotions and articulate “I feel like” and “I feel” but throw a “you make me feel” or “I know how you feel” without clarifying especially when I have alexithymia so my feelings arrive five years later and I don’t name them; well we are tussling and I am staying away. People are transparent and can’t own their emotions yet push it on others and call everyone else labels which isn’t humanity at all. Let me stop. 🛑😂
You may as well have addressed me about my ex directly 😮💨 from the expectation of unconditional love without even trying to pretend to return that energy, to every move being transactional. Wish I had this article a few years ago 🙏🙏🙏🙌
Josh! Whew. I promise I wasn’t looking through your window when I wrote it 😮💨
But that kind of one-sided emotional economy? It leaves marks.
I’m glad the piece found you now, even if it’s a few years late. Sometimes we don’t need retroactive closure we just need language that finally mirrors what we went through. 🙏🏾
Sending you steadiness, clarity, and better energy going forward.
Thank you for this clear differentiation of empathy and how it can be used as manipulation. Many of the most pathological personalities I have studied definitely have empathy, almost heightened ability to “read” others. What they lack is a conscience. Like you so brilliantly outlined, they use it for manipulation (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. It is a spectrum for sure).
The concept of someone lacking empathy has been elevated to the main way to tell if someone is a good person or not, and that is dangerous.
I agree also about anyone who declares “I am an empath”, I run also!! To me, anyone who says that is saying “I have no boundaries and this relationship will be all about my needs, and I’m just a victim to my empath status”. Which is not something I am willing to be part of anymore in my life.
I’m reading this with deep reflection, truly considering how I use the word empathy. For a long time, I avoided terms like this—until naming emotions became an expectation. Instead of allowing feelings to flow naturally within my connections, I found myself analyzing and accounting for each one.
There have even been moments when I’ve stopped to question whether I’m misusing empathy, as if it were a warning sign. I’ve always been a deeply emotional person, and through life’s challenges, I’ve come to see both the beauty and the flaws in human nature. Still, my heart has always leaned toward kindness, wanting to believe the best in people. Yet, over time, empathy has also become something I wrestle with—especially when faced with the contradictions of those who claim to care.
This post has given me another reason to reflect on my relationship with empathy. Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking perspective.
I am glad this post gave you space to reflect on your relationship with empathy. It’s an evolving process, and it’s okay to question and redefine what it means and looks like for you. Thank you for engaging with this so thoughtfully. 🙏🏾
Brilliant. Thank you.
My deep pleasure and thank you for reading 🙏🏾