If a child’s “no” offends you, ask why you needed compliance in the first place.I teach boundaries so children don’t become adults unlearning what I never should have had to carry.Read: How Boundary-Setting in Children Helped Me Unlearn Emotional Enmeshment
Man. Your post struck a deep chord on so many levels. I've been the kid told to make space for affection I felt uncomfortable with, been the adult admonishing kids to do the same, and have learned later that this very practice paved the way for predators to groom and attack children in a community I was part of. Such an important piece. Thanks for writing this.
And the way our boundaries are dismissed or overridden in childhood especially by caregivers sets the tone for how we learn to relate, attach, and respond to others. Just being denied the right to say no teaches us that our discomfort is negotiable, or worse, irrelevant.
That doesn’t just open the door to harm in extreme cases like grooming it quietly shapes how we move in friendships, workplaces, and love. Who we tolerate, how much we self-abandon, and what we believe we’re allowed to expect from others. Our relationships to caregivers bleed into every facet of our lives until we reparent and when we have children and community the sooner we see this the sooner we can undo it for the kids. This is why I share.
Appreciate you naming your experience and seeing the thread so clearly.🫶🏾✨
She knows better than to wait for a acknowledgement of the others feelings. My feelings are mine to handle. She said her peace and ran off with her little friends to play with her new motor car and toys. She gave me a hug when I was ready to leave and said she will miss me. Those were words she meant and words I carry with me forever. 😭 🫂 they were genuine
Isn’t it amazing? They inherently know and if we just show them they move accordingly they are not mean by design. But if we give them space they apologise when they mean it no punishment needed when we explain impact of actions no guilt tripping. When they ask questions we can explain without oversharing. They are actually humans. Big feelings little bodies.
When we center and care for them, they return us to our own teachings. They mirror back the parts of ourselves we’ve forgotten, reminding us how to recenter, and often, how to heal our inner child in the process.
Today, I picked up my three year old son to leave and he said to me,
"Mom you have to ask before you touch my body."
I told him,
"You're right. I do need to ask before touching you."
Im still unlearning enmeshment. Some days I get it all wrong and recap the lessons in my writing. But moments like that one, it's why I do the healing work.
Today, I picked up my three year old son to leave and he said to me,
"Mom you have to ask before you touch my body."
I told him,
"You're right. I do need to ask before touching you."
Im still unlearning enmeshment. Some days I get it all wrong and recap the lessons in my writing. But moments like that one, it's why I do the healing work.
This post found me at the right time. Thank you for your story.
I gotta sit on one end of my ten person sofa and wait until someone gets sleepy and comes for cuddles and asks me to read them a story. Best feeling of my life and just like when a cat comes to you I am absolutely still cos no sudden movements. I dont even like hugs to be honest. But kids are like angels so I consider myself blessed. My friends stare at me like I am an alien but its cos they wear perfumes and I have sensory issues.
I did everything I could to promote bodily autonomy with many of these supportive strategies. My son was still exploited at age 12. Relearning everything. Thank you for the depth of heart you bring here. It’s like a wellspring.
Thank you. Here in America many educators are inspired by collaborative, non hierarchical practices that use this language of centering the child. Teacher as researcher uncovering what the children are asking through their play. We offer open ended materials and media called provocations to test our theories which then inform the next session. When they are passionate we know we’re on the path toward discovery. Process vs product. Thank you again for the depth of understanding and offering moral support.
Still in touch with that deep imprint. I believe it could recalibrate the world.
I’m so sorry. I know it’s alot to share. I’m not doing very well bearing it as a solo mama in a culture that does not center empathy or quality of life.
One thing I return to is that statistically per the 1in6 male survivor site is that only 15% of boys come forward while they are still minors. The average age is disclosure for a man is 50. I’ve held those stories in trust as a confidant. Now we are unmoored. There are lighthouses though, like you, so thank you so much for the kind words. I can feel the intent behinds them.
It’s not a lot at all! I have been speaking to men between 25 and 42 currently so honestly I have had a hard time stomaching a few comments who don’t understand what I am saying about matriarchy and centering safety of children or understands how patriarchy denies everyone humanity unilaterally. I am gutted you are going through this without more support from community as I have spoken on how lonely motherhood and womanhood can be. So I may be in Sweden but I stand with you and your son. I mean that 🫂Sincerely and genuinely
Lisa, this breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I’m up at 2am, trembling with grief and anger reading your words. The more I speak to men around me, the more I understand how much pain is held in silence especially by boys and men who are also healing. What you shared stays with me. I’m holding your story gently. Thank you for trusting it here. 🫂
Man. Your post struck a deep chord on so many levels. I've been the kid told to make space for affection I felt uncomfortable with, been the adult admonishing kids to do the same, and have learned later that this very practice paved the way for predators to groom and attack children in a community I was part of. Such an important piece. Thanks for writing this.
Thank you for sharing that 🙌.
And the way our boundaries are dismissed or overridden in childhood especially by caregivers sets the tone for how we learn to relate, attach, and respond to others. Just being denied the right to say no teaches us that our discomfort is negotiable, or worse, irrelevant.
That doesn’t just open the door to harm in extreme cases like grooming it quietly shapes how we move in friendships, workplaces, and love. Who we tolerate, how much we self-abandon, and what we believe we’re allowed to expect from others. Our relationships to caregivers bleed into every facet of our lives until we reparent and when we have children and community the sooner we see this the sooner we can undo it for the kids. This is why I share.
Appreciate you naming your experience and seeing the thread so clearly.🫶🏾✨
So, what did you say to your niece eventually? Did you acknowledge her “no”?
She knows better than to wait for a acknowledgement of the others feelings. My feelings are mine to handle. She said her peace and ran off with her little friends to play with her new motor car and toys. She gave me a hug when I was ready to leave and said she will miss me. Those were words she meant and words I carry with me forever. 😭 🫂 they were genuine
Haha that’s amazing. What a girl! Yeah, showing our children that autonomy is their birthright is something I was also taught and teach my three sons.
Isn’t it amazing? They inherently know and if we just show them they move accordingly they are not mean by design. But if we give them space they apologise when they mean it no punishment needed when we explain impact of actions no guilt tripping. When they ask questions we can explain without oversharing. They are actually humans. Big feelings little bodies.
This is wonderful. Should be on all social media.
Children teach us and reflect us.
When we center and care for them, they return us to our own teachings. They mirror back the parts of ourselves we’ve forgotten, reminding us how to recenter, and often, how to heal our inner child in the process.
I just wish more people practiced that. 🙏🏾
Today, I picked up my three year old son to leave and he said to me,
"Mom you have to ask before you touch my body."
I told him,
"You're right. I do need to ask before touching you."
Im still unlearning enmeshment. Some days I get it all wrong and recap the lessons in my writing. But moments like that one, it's why I do the healing work.
Today, I picked up my three year old son to leave and he said to me,
"Mom you have to ask before you touch my body."
I told him,
"You're right. I do need to ask before touching you."
Im still unlearning enmeshment. Some days I get it all wrong and recap the lessons in my writing. But moments like that one, it's why I do the healing work.
This post found me at the right time. Thank you for your story.
You gotta respect his autonomy 🫶🏾😭
I gotta sit on one end of my ten person sofa and wait until someone gets sleepy and comes for cuddles and asks me to read them a story. Best feeling of my life and just like when a cat comes to you I am absolutely still cos no sudden movements. I dont even like hugs to be honest. But kids are like angels so I consider myself blessed. My friends stare at me like I am an alien but its cos they wear perfumes and I have sensory issues.
They never learn. 🫣
I did everything I could to promote bodily autonomy with many of these supportive strategies. My son was still exploited at age 12. Relearning everything. Thank you for the depth of heart you bring here. It’s like a wellspring.
Thank you. Here in America many educators are inspired by collaborative, non hierarchical practices that use this language of centering the child. Teacher as researcher uncovering what the children are asking through their play. We offer open ended materials and media called provocations to test our theories which then inform the next session. When they are passionate we know we’re on the path toward discovery. Process vs product. Thank you again for the depth of understanding and offering moral support.
Still in touch with that deep imprint. I believe it could recalibrate the world.
I’m so sorry. I know it’s alot to share. I’m not doing very well bearing it as a solo mama in a culture that does not center empathy or quality of life.
One thing I return to is that statistically per the 1in6 male survivor site is that only 15% of boys come forward while they are still minors. The average age is disclosure for a man is 50. I’ve held those stories in trust as a confidant. Now we are unmoored. There are lighthouses though, like you, so thank you so much for the kind words. I can feel the intent behinds them.
It’s not a lot at all! I have been speaking to men between 25 and 42 currently so honestly I have had a hard time stomaching a few comments who don’t understand what I am saying about matriarchy and centering safety of children or understands how patriarchy denies everyone humanity unilaterally. I am gutted you are going through this without more support from community as I have spoken on how lonely motherhood and womanhood can be. So I may be in Sweden but I stand with you and your son. I mean that 🫂Sincerely and genuinely
Lisa, this breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I’m up at 2am, trembling with grief and anger reading your words. The more I speak to men around me, the more I understand how much pain is held in silence especially by boys and men who are also healing. What you shared stays with me. I’m holding your story gently. Thank you for trusting it here. 🫂