Thank you. And yes being literal gets reduced to just language parsing, but it’s also about tracking meaning, patterns, and integrity. Many of us don’t just take things at face value we notice when actions and words don’t align. That’s not just “literal,” it’s cognitive processing. If people treated others based on consistent parameters not vibes, assumptions, or projection we’d avoid so much harm. Our autistic brains clock what doesn’t make sense. It’s discerning and manipulators don’t like that at all. 🤭
Thank you so much for adding to this, it’s super helpful. I have autistic kids in my community but not my family so it’s great to get this understanding
I recently unpacked this in my life. It has been confusing. I think that I believed almost everyone. Not anymore. Your video helped reinforce my new path.
We must believe ourselves and our inner compass before we can ascertain anyone else’s motives. People are diverse but we remain constant so it’s best we reinforce our path rather than fall for everyone else’s right? We don’t know everyone their intent can only be known by consistency of actions. But we sure can know our own. 🙏🏾
I am learning my own by deconstructing everything in my life that never belonged to me in the first place. The programming, the religion, the beliefs, the control (and scapegoating). I am what is left. No more masking. I have never understood why most people’s words do not match their eyes or their actions. There is peace in looking past and seeing their real energy. Energy does not lie. You may not like what you see but at least it is honest. I am slowly building a new baseline of values and interests. Along with it comes passion, creativity, and brand spankin new trust in myself. Thank you again.
This is an important discussion. I don't go by any nicknames either for the same reason. Don't assume closeness/familiarity by shortening my name without permission. I also noticed that we love to refer to Black public figures by their first name as if they are underserving of the respect of honorifics.
Exactly and my name is one people try that as well and I abhor it. I don’t know people like that to go there with them. It’s akin to allowing people in your living room and they rush into your bedroom very uncouth.
Right at the very end - when you say "not everyone deserves a seat at your table, and that's okay" - you poked at a very real dilemma for people who have been taught that hospitality and sharing is a virtue. I preach this all the time for community-building, using the table analogy, when I say that there's a fundamental difference between everyone "skooching" over to create space for a newcomer and sitting at a table with the open place already set in expectation of the newcomer's arrival.
In a community, that's one thing. Individually, as a children's educator at my church, we began sex ed at preschool levels by disabusing the kids that social pressure to share is a community virtue it expectation. When it comes to choosing their free "work" activities, the children are taught to ask once and leave if they do not receive a welcome. They are also taught to say yes only where they are thrilled to collaborate.
I hadn't really considered this tension - actually they seem more like diametrically opposed views on welcoming as we move from the community expectation to the personal boundaries - until you used your table analogy. There's a whole culturization going on where kids, at the earliest ages, are taught that they must share things to be "good" and that messaging opens doors for manipulators as well as full blown predators. And now I think I need to start being more explicit when I speak of building a welcoming community to remind adults that the lessons we teach little kids about personal boundaries still apply to adults, and that personal sharing is for each of us to set our limits without being shamed into where those lines get drawn.
Seriously, though, you ended that video by opening an entire can of worms for me! Lol. Where's the next 8 minutes?
Not everyone deserves a seat at your table. This ties into my piece on empathy—because empathy is not inherently good. Anyone with a legal background knows that the worst criminals weaponize it. In law, we don’t give empathy freely; we use cognitive empathy to understand cases and crimes. If we already acknowledge that not everyone deserves empathy, then why would everyone be entitled to a seat at the tables we build?
Equity is the goal. It means recognizing that someone who doesn’t look like us or come from the same background may still benefit from our resources and, in turn, enrich the space we create. But if we distribute resources only to those who look like us simply because we are told we should, without intention, we reinforce white supremacy—a system built on unearned access and entitlement to labor, space, and energy.
Right now, you are benefiting from being in community with me. We are different as night and day, yet you have a seat at my table because mutual respect, accountability, and non-harm make that possible. As long as we are not harmful to one another, it makes sense to share, exchange, and build but with a realistic analysis of power, privilege, and reciprocity.
That is how we move forward not by offering access without discernment, but by ensuring that support, collaboration, and inclusion happen with clarity and intentionality.
I can write and talk another 7 hours on this in fact i am trying to translate my book into english now that goes more in depth on this but its hard being someone raised to do for others as eldest daughter and not receive help. This has been my track record in activism hence my 9 awards and background in overachieving and aiding people in other countries. Asking for help not my thing.
I love how you broke down and shared especially the distinction between creating space for community and setting boundaries as an individual. That tension is real, and it’s something a lot of people struggle with because we’ve been conditioned to believe that goodness means endless access. You work in law like I we know why we entered those spaces.
The way we teach children about sharing is a perfect example. From an early age, they’re taught that saying no makes them selfish, that generosity is about compliance rather than choice, and that making space for others should come at the expense of their own comfort. That kind of messaging doesn’t just build community, it builds vulnerability to manipulation, guilt-based coercion, and the inability to recognize when their own boundaries are being crossed.
And like you said, that doesn’t magically stop in adulthood. Many people carry that same programming into their relationships, careers, and even activism—where they feel obligated to be available, accessible, and accommodating to prove their goodness. But the truth is, not everyone deserves access. Not every table should have an open seat. And unlearning that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you intentional.
The difference between community-building and personal boundaries is that community is chosen. It thrives when people come together willingly and with reciprocity. But personal access? That’s something you grant, not something others are entitled to.
And yes, there’s definitely more to say on this. Maybe I need to make that next 8 or moreso 30 minutes happen. But i wanted to just ease in first slowly. 🫣 until I can formulate more and see how people take my voice here and also maybe see if people will support in tangible ways too.
I know this was a short episode but I said what i needed to say and I could have been longwinded but refrained and I think most of you got the gist. Plus I am experimenting with video and audio here to see how it will migrate to my youtube so as long as that works you may get longer episodes soon. Thanks for listening.
I had a co-worker do this to me and when I didn’t fill in for her, the next time I talked to her and I used her “hey girl” terminology she complained to my manager that I was unprofessional.
you were speaking to the choir 🙌cant wait to tune in for more. I felt seen and heard... I have shed so much weight interms of spaces /pple i interact with due to receprocity its a huge subject for me / always been. And the only way i find my peace now is boundaries but mahhn when it comes to family its a work in progress 🙆🏿♀️🙆🏿♀️ still learning how to navigate and im happy to learn from people who have had similar challenges.
This hit so hard, I can't even tell you. I think I didn't realise till you spelled it out that as an autistic person I like direct communication and often don't understand manipulation because I assume everyone would interact as I do, boy have I been wrong and hurt because of not understanding that. Thank you so much for this video and all that you share <3
I hear you completely. That assumption that people communicate with the same honesty and directness we do is exactly what makes manipulation so hard to spot at first. It’s not just about being ‘naïve,’ it’s about genuinely believing that others will engage with us in good faith. And when they don’t, the hurt is deep.
I’m really glad this resonated with you. Learning to recognize these patterns isn’t about losing trust in people it’s about protecting our energy and knowing who actually deserves access to us. Sending you strength. ✨
This was great Lovette. I live in a hippy town which is mostly wonderful, but there’s lots of this over familiarity.
Also I learned something about autistic people and being literal, I already applied this to an autistic child of a neighbour
Thank you. And yes being literal gets reduced to just language parsing, but it’s also about tracking meaning, patterns, and integrity. Many of us don’t just take things at face value we notice when actions and words don’t align. That’s not just “literal,” it’s cognitive processing. If people treated others based on consistent parameters not vibes, assumptions, or projection we’d avoid so much harm. Our autistic brains clock what doesn’t make sense. It’s discerning and manipulators don’t like that at all. 🤭
Thank you so much for adding to this, it’s super helpful. I have autistic kids in my community but not my family so it’s great to get this understanding
I recently unpacked this in my life. It has been confusing. I think that I believed almost everyone. Not anymore. Your video helped reinforce my new path.
We must believe ourselves and our inner compass before we can ascertain anyone else’s motives. People are diverse but we remain constant so it’s best we reinforce our path rather than fall for everyone else’s right? We don’t know everyone their intent can only be known by consistency of actions. But we sure can know our own. 🙏🏾
I am learning my own by deconstructing everything in my life that never belonged to me in the first place. The programming, the religion, the beliefs, the control (and scapegoating). I am what is left. No more masking. I have never understood why most people’s words do not match their eyes or their actions. There is peace in looking past and seeing their real energy. Energy does not lie. You may not like what you see but at least it is honest. I am slowly building a new baseline of values and interests. Along with it comes passion, creativity, and brand spankin new trust in myself. Thank you again.
I sincerely felt this. I couldn’t put it into words why I don’t like calling people bro. This explains it so well!
This is an important discussion. I don't go by any nicknames either for the same reason. Don't assume closeness/familiarity by shortening my name without permission. I also noticed that we love to refer to Black public figures by their first name as if they are underserving of the respect of honorifics.
Exactly and my name is one people try that as well and I abhor it. I don’t know people like that to go there with them. It’s akin to allowing people in your living room and they rush into your bedroom very uncouth.
nope..this was homerun 💥🔌🫶
A homerun i love it 🤓✨
Right at the very end - when you say "not everyone deserves a seat at your table, and that's okay" - you poked at a very real dilemma for people who have been taught that hospitality and sharing is a virtue. I preach this all the time for community-building, using the table analogy, when I say that there's a fundamental difference between everyone "skooching" over to create space for a newcomer and sitting at a table with the open place already set in expectation of the newcomer's arrival.
In a community, that's one thing. Individually, as a children's educator at my church, we began sex ed at preschool levels by disabusing the kids that social pressure to share is a community virtue it expectation. When it comes to choosing their free "work" activities, the children are taught to ask once and leave if they do not receive a welcome. They are also taught to say yes only where they are thrilled to collaborate.
I hadn't really considered this tension - actually they seem more like diametrically opposed views on welcoming as we move from the community expectation to the personal boundaries - until you used your table analogy. There's a whole culturization going on where kids, at the earliest ages, are taught that they must share things to be "good" and that messaging opens doors for manipulators as well as full blown predators. And now I think I need to start being more explicit when I speak of building a welcoming community to remind adults that the lessons we teach little kids about personal boundaries still apply to adults, and that personal sharing is for each of us to set our limits without being shamed into where those lines get drawn.
Seriously, though, you ended that video by opening an entire can of worms for me! Lol. Where's the next 8 minutes?
Not everyone deserves a seat at your table. This ties into my piece on empathy—because empathy is not inherently good. Anyone with a legal background knows that the worst criminals weaponize it. In law, we don’t give empathy freely; we use cognitive empathy to understand cases and crimes. If we already acknowledge that not everyone deserves empathy, then why would everyone be entitled to a seat at the tables we build?
Equity is the goal. It means recognizing that someone who doesn’t look like us or come from the same background may still benefit from our resources and, in turn, enrich the space we create. But if we distribute resources only to those who look like us simply because we are told we should, without intention, we reinforce white supremacy—a system built on unearned access and entitlement to labor, space, and energy.
Right now, you are benefiting from being in community with me. We are different as night and day, yet you have a seat at my table because mutual respect, accountability, and non-harm make that possible. As long as we are not harmful to one another, it makes sense to share, exchange, and build but with a realistic analysis of power, privilege, and reciprocity.
That is how we move forward not by offering access without discernment, but by ensuring that support, collaboration, and inclusion happen with clarity and intentionality.
I can write and talk another 7 hours on this in fact i am trying to translate my book into english now that goes more in depth on this but its hard being someone raised to do for others as eldest daughter and not receive help. This has been my track record in activism hence my 9 awards and background in overachieving and aiding people in other countries. Asking for help not my thing.
I love how you broke down and shared especially the distinction between creating space for community and setting boundaries as an individual. That tension is real, and it’s something a lot of people struggle with because we’ve been conditioned to believe that goodness means endless access. You work in law like I we know why we entered those spaces.
The way we teach children about sharing is a perfect example. From an early age, they’re taught that saying no makes them selfish, that generosity is about compliance rather than choice, and that making space for others should come at the expense of their own comfort. That kind of messaging doesn’t just build community, it builds vulnerability to manipulation, guilt-based coercion, and the inability to recognize when their own boundaries are being crossed.
And like you said, that doesn’t magically stop in adulthood. Many people carry that same programming into their relationships, careers, and even activism—where they feel obligated to be available, accessible, and accommodating to prove their goodness. But the truth is, not everyone deserves access. Not every table should have an open seat. And unlearning that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you intentional.
The difference between community-building and personal boundaries is that community is chosen. It thrives when people come together willingly and with reciprocity. But personal access? That’s something you grant, not something others are entitled to.
And yes, there’s definitely more to say on this. Maybe I need to make that next 8 or moreso 30 minutes happen. But i wanted to just ease in first slowly. 🫣 until I can formulate more and see how people take my voice here and also maybe see if people will support in tangible ways too.
https://www.wtap.com/2021/10/29/local-attorney-explains-process-removing-an-elected-official-office/
appreciate this offering
We cant be out here wiling. Protect energy 🙏🏾
This hit home 🏠🎯🎯🎯 just what i needed to hear today.
Phew I thought i was just sharing the most mundane yesterday ✨❤️
I know this was a short episode but I said what i needed to say and I could have been longwinded but refrained and I think most of you got the gist. Plus I am experimenting with video and audio here to see how it will migrate to my youtube so as long as that works you may get longer episodes soon. Thanks for listening.
I had a co-worker do this to me and when I didn’t fill in for her, the next time I talked to her and I used her “hey girl” terminology she complained to my manager that I was unprofessional.
you were speaking to the choir 🙌cant wait to tune in for more. I felt seen and heard... I have shed so much weight interms of spaces /pple i interact with due to receprocity its a huge subject for me / always been. And the only way i find my peace now is boundaries but mahhn when it comes to family its a work in progress 🙆🏿♀️🙆🏿♀️ still learning how to navigate and im happy to learn from people who have had similar challenges.
This hit so hard, I can't even tell you. I think I didn't realise till you spelled it out that as an autistic person I like direct communication and often don't understand manipulation because I assume everyone would interact as I do, boy have I been wrong and hurt because of not understanding that. Thank you so much for this video and all that you share <3
I hear you completely. That assumption that people communicate with the same honesty and directness we do is exactly what makes manipulation so hard to spot at first. It’s not just about being ‘naïve,’ it’s about genuinely believing that others will engage with us in good faith. And when they don’t, the hurt is deep.
I’m really glad this resonated with you. Learning to recognize these patterns isn’t about losing trust in people it’s about protecting our energy and knowing who actually deserves access to us. Sending you strength. ✨
Thank you ❤️❤️