When Men Fail in a World Optimized for Them, They Don’t Blame Patriarchy—They Blame Women
The Incel Mindset, Male Entitlement, and the Weaponization of Resentment
Men Want Women, But Despise Everything Women Represent
Men struggling to connect with women isn’t surprising when society teaches them to reject anything associated with us.
Yet, paradoxically, they still desire relationships with women.
So how do you reconcile wanting something you’ve been conditioned to despise, devalue, or feel entitled to?
You don’t. Instead, you project.
And when failure feels unbearable, men don’t blame the system that created this dysfunction—they blame women, the victims of that same system.
This is not a personal failure. This is a structural issue.
How Patriarchy Conditions Men to Self-Destruct
I’ve always maintained that patriarchy—like white supremacy—doesn’t truly benefit anyone, least of all those it claims to uplift.
Men are raised with the idea that masculinity equals dominance, control, and emotional suppression.
From an early age, they internalize:
Women are beneath them
Emotional intelligence is weakness
Relationships should serve their needs first
But here’s the problem: those are the exact skills needed for love, partnership, and human connection.
Men are set up to fail at intimacy—but instead of questioning why, they double down and blame the women who reject them.
ETC’s Investigation: When Rejection Becomes Radicalization
The incel ideology has moved from self-pity to violent resentment, and it thrives on one thing: blaming women for male dissatisfaction.
ETC’s report on Swedish incels revealed how rejection mutates into rage, fueling lone-wolf attacks and extremist communities.
One man, Paul, a 28-year-old self-identified incel, embodies this cycle of despair and entitlement:
"I have not been able to choose my life."
"I hate women. I really hate them."
"I want to do what everyone else does. Go on vacation with someone. Take walks. Maybe have kids. That was my dream. But it won’t happen."
"Maybe I am dangerous. That’s for others to decide."
Paul, like many incels, didn’t just see himself as unlucky—he saw himself as robbed. His frustration wasn’t just about sex, but about status—the belief that men deserve access to women and the comfort of a relationship.
When that didn’t happen, he saw women as the enemy.
This is the core of incel ideology—men convinced they are victims, refusing to acknowledge that their own beliefs about women are why they can’t connect with them.
The Data: Incels and Rising Violence in Sweden and Beyond
Sweden is no exception to the growing trend of incel-driven violence worldwide.
2014: Elliot Rodger (USA) – Killed six people, wounded 14, left a manifesto blaming women for rejecting him.
2018: Alek Minassian (Canada) – Drove a van into pedestrians, killing 11. Declared it an "incel rebellion."
2022: Malmö School attack (Sweden) – Researched incel violence before carrying out an attack with an Ax.
2015: Trollhättan School Attack (Sweden) – Anton Lundin Pettersson consumed incel and far-right content before targeting students.
Swedish intelligence agency Säpo has now classified incels as a national terror threat—on par with Islamist extremism.
This is not just a subculture. It is a growing, radicalized movement fueled by resentment, misogyny, and white supremacy.
Women Adapt to Survive—Men Refuse to Evolve
If marginalized people and women—who face the same societal conditioning—can upgrade their tools to survive, then men can too.
Yet, while women are told to self-improve, men externalize their failures.
Women must navigate unsafe dating environments, workplace discrimination, and social expectations, but they still find ways to thrive.
Men claim they are "failing," despite living in a world optimized for their success.
If they can build entire incel communities out of resentment, they surely have the energy to engage with therapy, self-reflection, and unlearning.
But one requires accountability.
The other avoids it.
Men Aren’t Failing Because of Women—They’re Failing Because of Patriarchy
Men claim society has failed them, but who built it?
ETC’s investigation makes it clear: the men who feel most abandoned are the ones clinging hardest to the system that isolates them.
Patriarchy teaches them that their worth is in dominance, control, and emotional suppression.
When they fail to meet those expectations, instead of questioning the system, they turn their anger on women.
This is why we see:
Men radicalizing when they feel unwanted
Men demanding access to women rather than building emotional intelligence
Men resenting women for their loneliness, rather than examining their role in it
This is not a women’s issue—this is a masculinity crisis.
Instead of questioning the system, men turn their anger on women. And women? We’re done carrying it.
Women Cannot Keep Doing This Work for You
Men have built entire online communities dedicated to resentment, yet refuse to engage with healing, self-reflection, or real accountability. Instead, they expect women to do that work for them—while continuing to receive their disdain.
I have said it before: women are not your emotional rehab centers.
We cannot be in friendships, relationships, or even casual social spaces with men without taking on the emotional labor of managing their feelings, soothing their egos, or explaining the most basic realities of gendered existence.
Yet when men struggle—when they feel lost, rejected, or stuck in systems they themselves uphold—who do they blame?
Men Are Failing in a System Built for Them—Yet Blaming Women
The irony is glaring.
Society is structured for men.
Patriarchy rewards male dominance and punishes anything associated with femininity.
Yet when men realize that this model makes them lonely, disconnected, and emotionally stunted, they don’t turn against patriarchy—they turn against women.
Instead of self-reflection, they choose:
❌ Bitterness
❌ Resentment
❌ Entitlement
Instead of learning emotional intelligence, they call women "shallow" for rejecting them.
Instead of rethinking masculinity, they demand that women lower their standards.
This is why women are opting out.
The Unspoken Truth: Women Are Tired
We are tired of being the default therapists for men who refuse to do their own inner work.
We are tired of being expected to coddle egos, manage emotions, and soften realities while receiving nothing in return.
We are tired of men who:
Want intimacy but refuse to unlearn harmful beliefs
Demand love but resent everything women represent
Expect patience but offer none for our realities
At what point do men take responsibility for themselves?
Women Have Already Done the Work—Men Need to Catch Up
Many women have spent decades unlearning internalized misogyny, rethinking relationships, and building emotional intelligence.
We have gone to therapy.
We have read the books.
We have broken generational cycles.
And men?
They have built entire incel networks, rage forums, and misogynistic ideologies, all to justify avoiding the same self-work that women have done.
If women can evolve despite a system working against us, why can’t men evolve in a system built for them?
No One Can Heal You But You
Men, if you feel lost, start asking the real questions:
Why do I struggle to connect with others?
What narratives about masculinity have shaped me?
How do I build self-awareness and accountability?
Stop expecting women to fill the emotional gaps that patriarchy has left in you.
Stop demanding love from the very people you refuse to respect.
Because the truth is: we are no longer waiting for you to catch up.
This is not about women rejecting men—it’s about men rejecting the work needed to unlearn what makes them so entitled to resentment in the first place.
It’s Time for Men to Take Accountability
The police must investigate incel connections in crimes like Örebro.
Society must stop excusing misogyny as “loneliness” when it breeds violence.
Men must unlearn their entitlement before it manifests as harm.
If women can deconstruct centuries of oppression to build something new, men can too.
Because the only way forward is unlearning.
And that is something men have to do themselves. Women will not do it for you.
My last post on encounters with angry men who turn their anger on minoritised persons and women online.
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This was so enlightening. Just today I blocked a raging, profanity spewing misogynist here on Substack.
They assume all men are victims like them, but refuse to acknowledge that lots of men have happy marriages and rewarding careers.
I’m working on a book that conveys this very message to incels. I plan on using a pseudonym because I don’t want death threats/people showing up at my house— because we all know what happens when you ask white men to take accountability for shit (see: Black Lives Matter + #MeToo = America, currently). The emotional immaturity is just so glaring.