Autistic kids get labeled defiant for doing what Jesus did asking questions, disrupting injustice, and refusing blind obedience. Today, autistic kids get punished for doing exactly the same.
I have to admit, I put this one off not really being sure why, maybe because I was afraid i'd be confronted with a piece where what you were talking about absolutely escaped me, and now everything i found myself having a hard time grasping concretely about your descriptions of neurodivergency clicked in like puzzle pieces.
This is the most human thing I've ever read about anyone's relationship with religion. I guess today was my day to come to temple. There are shrines of you everywhere but today is a pilgrimage.
In the comments you mentioned Jesus refusing to see his mother. I am not sure if you're referring to Matthew 12:46-50, but as a non Bible scholar that is my favorite passage about him. Or at least it's the only one i committed to memory.
that wants to play games. I don’t find your behavior unusual in these religious spaces. People who don’t ask questions are suspect to me. Thank you for sharing another way to frame Mary’s molestation story. It’s sad but it doesn’t indict God. Still, I prefer Aset’s story of immaculate conception because she controls what happens to her body to bring forth Heru.
Lovette, I have appreciated your work every time I’ve read it. But this one? I feel like you put into words the experience that I hadn’t been able to. I absolutely loved it. I would appreciate reading more about your experiences with any ideological groups, religion or otherwise.
Thank you so much for this. It means a lot especially because after I published that piece, I received a few emails, including some from people who’ve known me through religious circles over the years. Some affirmed my words and my behavior, saying they finally understood parts of me they hadn’t before. A few stayed in touch, others quietly stepped away.
It made me reflect even more deeply on how Substack has become the space where I’m finally speaking on things I’ve long unpacked across many years and many spiritual paths. I’ve engaged with so many ideologies. Not always as a believer, but as someone trying to understand how humans structure meaning, power, and belonging.
I’ll definitely be writing more on these experiences because there’s so much layered insight in the tension between faith, community, and self-definition.
I paused in my writing because two people said they can’t keep up with the newsletter as I write fast which I have heard my whole life my brain and typing fingers are something even my teachers complained about in school but I realised today I won’t curb my excitement they can archive and read my posts when they feel like it. There’s enough people who can and want to read and moreso my heart found a home here and I write because it gives me joy as I navigate rest and also because stories of a long life lived reside in me. Anyway yes more is coming.
I’m really glad this piece resonated with you. It was funny and fun for me to write so Thank you for reading with such openness.
I laughed and cried. My heart was right there with that child every step of the way. I grew up in a neurodivergent household, but I'm the only one with a diagnosis. The only church I ever liked was the one in my teen years run by a pastor who was also a sociologist and specialized in neurodivergent kids. He always entertained the whys and made everyone feel welcome.
I always felt an affinity for Jesus. His belief that you should everyone like family (kindness and compassion), salvation is not for sale, justice matters, and his many other teachings still resonates with me. I believe the churches of today would still crucify him just as was done then, even as they praise his principles.
If seems that all the organized religions are mostly about authority and control, and fear those of us who ask "why." It's like they're afraid to actually take a look at their own beliefs. If the asker is a different gender, color, culture, etc, it seems to just amplify their fear.
I no longer darken the doors of any religious group as they all feel like cults to me. I have my conversations with the divine out in my gardens, and while not all my "whys" get answered, at least I don't get in trouble for asking.
Thank you for labor. Your words reminded me that I am not alone with my thoughts.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. I relate to so much of what you shared especially the part about asking “why” and being punished for it. I actually made a whole thread on how many religious figures would be pathologized today Jesus included.
And speaking of Jesus, even he refused to see his mother when he was with those he called his true family those he considered his covenant. That moment alone would’ve sparked concern in any modern setting where blood family is considered sacred. But it’s often skipped over in favor of a more sanitized version of his story.
I really appreciate you naming how so much of organized religion is about control. Those of us who ask questions, who come from different margins, who won’t stay quiet make those systems uncomfortable. And they make us feel like we’re the problem.
You’re absolutely not alone. And I’m glad my words could echo some of your experience back to you. Thank you again for being here.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. I love essays like this that combine personal story with wider cultural observations, and humour with serious themes.
When you described being kicked out of two religions I was reminded of Baruch Spinoza, who was rejected by Judaism and Catholicism for being similarly difficult—although as far as I know he never vaulted a fence in a hijab.
You know what’s funny? I rarely mention Judaism in these convos because it’s the only religion that just straight up told me “absolutely not.” 😩😅 No long debate, no drawn-out engagement. One conversation in and they collectively agreed: deeply problematic. 🤭 I moved on to the Bahai’s
Islam? Yeah, 2017. There were whispers of a fatwa over my Instagram. That rabbit hole runs very deep.
One day, I’ll release the full autobiography after I change my name and flee the country. But until then, I’ll drop bite-sized stories from Life with Lovette™.
And yes, I still have the knee scar from scaling that fence.
Thank you so much for this, I’m laughing and crying at the same time remembering my religious upbringing and the many “cultlike” groups that I’ve encountered. My experiences have been so similar to yours and this is literally the first time anyone else I’ve encountered has articulated this experience. I can’t tell you how healing it is to know I’m not the only one. I converted to Vajrayana Buddhism 27 years ago, it felt like “home”, my questions got real answers and nobody asked me to leave my intellect outside the door. Are you familiar with the Australian comedian Hannah Gadsby? Her Netflix special Douglas is hilarious, talking about autism and “breaking” her teacher at school with all of her questions 😂🤣😂 I broke the main pedagogy teacher in my Waldorf handwork teacher training and had to leave the Anthroposophy cult, but I did get my certification 🤪
Every line of this hit like prophecy delivered by a girl who asked too many questions and refused to be quiet about the answers she found. Religious conformity was never made for the curious, the literal, or the pattern-seers—it was built to reward performance, not presence. But presence is what Jesus was. Neurodivergent energy all the way down: boundary-holding, table-flipping, silence-seeking, sensory-sensitive truth in sandals.
Religious spaces want the symbol of Jesus, not the spirit that moves like him. That’s why they canonize rebellion in scripture but punish it in kids.
Thank you for saying the thing out loud: obedience isn’t holiness, and questioning isn’t rebellion—it’s discernment. If your “why” gets you exiled, you were probably closer to God than the ones handing out the behavior charts.
That is how it felt growing up like I was saying what others weren’t ready to name. A problem for simply asking questions.
Before my grandmother passed, she told me: “If you were born in another time, your voice would be seen for what it is.”
She wasn’t just acknowledging my curiosity she was naming something deeper perhaps also how religion intersects gender and rules I would never master.
Some of us aren’t disruptive we’re ahead of schedule, in the margins not wrong but not quite perfect enough.
But religious spaces often prioritize tradition over truth. They silence those with presence, then celebrate us once we’re gone especially when our bodies were never meant to hold authority in their eyes.
I’m grateful my grandma didn’t let me be punished for my curiosity or my clarity.
Your comment reminded me we’re not alone. We’ve always existed just rarely recognized in real time.
This resonated so much . I went to a convent school, and was sent out of RE every week for asking questions, then when I was 13, one of the nuns told me I was an evil child and was going to hell. I wasn’t a badly behaved child, just undiagnosed neurodivergent, with a passion for justice. Reading posts like this reinforces how I wasn’t the problem, society was. I just hope that 40 years later, things have improved for young people.
Thank you for sharing this your story echoes so many I’ve heard and lived.
I nearly joined a convent myself. I like … genuinely like structure, clarity, the reduced pressure to perform womanhood through clothes and chatter. But when I learned about the Magdalene sisters or sisterhood and what the Sisters did to “disobedient” girls especially neurodivergent ones I walked it back. I said no thanks!
You weren’t the problem. Asking questions isn’t evil. It’s survival. The problem is a society and a theology that punishes discernment and calls it sin when it shows up in girls. Especially girls who notice too much and won’t pretend otherwise. 💔
I have to admit, I put this one off not really being sure why, maybe because I was afraid i'd be confronted with a piece where what you were talking about absolutely escaped me, and now everything i found myself having a hard time grasping concretely about your descriptions of neurodivergency clicked in like puzzle pieces.
This is the most human thing I've ever read about anyone's relationship with religion. I guess today was my day to come to temple. There are shrines of you everywhere but today is a pilgrimage.
In the comments you mentioned Jesus refusing to see his mother. I am not sure if you're referring to Matthew 12:46-50, but as a non Bible scholar that is my favorite passage about him. Or at least it's the only one i committed to memory.
Puzzle people in a world
that wants to play games. I don’t find your behavior unusual in these religious spaces. People who don’t ask questions are suspect to me. Thank you for sharing another way to frame Mary’s molestation story. It’s sad but it doesn’t indict God. Still, I prefer Aset’s story of immaculate conception because she controls what happens to her body to bring forth Heru.
Lovette, I have appreciated your work every time I’ve read it. But this one? I feel like you put into words the experience that I hadn’t been able to. I absolutely loved it. I would appreciate reading more about your experiences with any ideological groups, religion or otherwise.
Thank you so much for this. It means a lot especially because after I published that piece, I received a few emails, including some from people who’ve known me through religious circles over the years. Some affirmed my words and my behavior, saying they finally understood parts of me they hadn’t before. A few stayed in touch, others quietly stepped away.
It made me reflect even more deeply on how Substack has become the space where I’m finally speaking on things I’ve long unpacked across many years and many spiritual paths. I’ve engaged with so many ideologies. Not always as a believer, but as someone trying to understand how humans structure meaning, power, and belonging.
I’ll definitely be writing more on these experiences because there’s so much layered insight in the tension between faith, community, and self-definition.
I paused in my writing because two people said they can’t keep up with the newsletter as I write fast which I have heard my whole life my brain and typing fingers are something even my teachers complained about in school but I realised today I won’t curb my excitement they can archive and read my posts when they feel like it. There’s enough people who can and want to read and moreso my heart found a home here and I write because it gives me joy as I navigate rest and also because stories of a long life lived reside in me. Anyway yes more is coming.
I’m really glad this piece resonated with you. It was funny and fun for me to write so Thank you for reading with such openness.
I totally understand. I may be slow to keep up, but I wouldn’t dream of telling you to slow down. Keep those fingers typing! ❤️
I laughed and cried. My heart was right there with that child every step of the way. I grew up in a neurodivergent household, but I'm the only one with a diagnosis. The only church I ever liked was the one in my teen years run by a pastor who was also a sociologist and specialized in neurodivergent kids. He always entertained the whys and made everyone feel welcome.
I always felt an affinity for Jesus. His belief that you should everyone like family (kindness and compassion), salvation is not for sale, justice matters, and his many other teachings still resonates with me. I believe the churches of today would still crucify him just as was done then, even as they praise his principles.
If seems that all the organized religions are mostly about authority and control, and fear those of us who ask "why." It's like they're afraid to actually take a look at their own beliefs. If the asker is a different gender, color, culture, etc, it seems to just amplify their fear.
I no longer darken the doors of any religious group as they all feel like cults to me. I have my conversations with the divine out in my gardens, and while not all my "whys" get answered, at least I don't get in trouble for asking.
Thank you for labor. Your words reminded me that I am not alone with my thoughts.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment. I relate to so much of what you shared especially the part about asking “why” and being punished for it. I actually made a whole thread on how many religious figures would be pathologized today Jesus included.
And speaking of Jesus, even he refused to see his mother when he was with those he called his true family those he considered his covenant. That moment alone would’ve sparked concern in any modern setting where blood family is considered sacred. But it’s often skipped over in favor of a more sanitized version of his story.
I really appreciate you naming how so much of organized religion is about control. Those of us who ask questions, who come from different margins, who won’t stay quiet make those systems uncomfortable. And they make us feel like we’re the problem.
You’re absolutely not alone. And I’m glad my words could echo some of your experience back to you. Thank you again for being here.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. I love essays like this that combine personal story with wider cultural observations, and humour with serious themes.
When you described being kicked out of two religions I was reminded of Baruch Spinoza, who was rejected by Judaism and Catholicism for being similarly difficult—although as far as I know he never vaulted a fence in a hijab.
You know what’s funny? I rarely mention Judaism in these convos because it’s the only religion that just straight up told me “absolutely not.” 😩😅 No long debate, no drawn-out engagement. One conversation in and they collectively agreed: deeply problematic. 🤭 I moved on to the Bahai’s
Islam? Yeah, 2017. There were whispers of a fatwa over my Instagram. That rabbit hole runs very deep.
One day, I’ll release the full autobiography after I change my name and flee the country. But until then, I’ll drop bite-sized stories from Life with Lovette™.
And yes, I still have the knee scar from scaling that fence.
Thank you so much for this, I’m laughing and crying at the same time remembering my religious upbringing and the many “cultlike” groups that I’ve encountered. My experiences have been so similar to yours and this is literally the first time anyone else I’ve encountered has articulated this experience. I can’t tell you how healing it is to know I’m not the only one. I converted to Vajrayana Buddhism 27 years ago, it felt like “home”, my questions got real answers and nobody asked me to leave my intellect outside the door. Are you familiar with the Australian comedian Hannah Gadsby? Her Netflix special Douglas is hilarious, talking about autism and “breaking” her teacher at school with all of her questions 😂🤣😂 I broke the main pedagogy teacher in my Waldorf handwork teacher training and had to leave the Anthroposophy cult, but I did get my certification 🤪
I 🫀this! I tell people Jesus was neurospicy with a high elopement rate. He did not play with hypocrites.
Every line of this hit like prophecy delivered by a girl who asked too many questions and refused to be quiet about the answers she found. Religious conformity was never made for the curious, the literal, or the pattern-seers—it was built to reward performance, not presence. But presence is what Jesus was. Neurodivergent energy all the way down: boundary-holding, table-flipping, silence-seeking, sensory-sensitive truth in sandals.
Religious spaces want the symbol of Jesus, not the spirit that moves like him. That’s why they canonize rebellion in scripture but punish it in kids.
Thank you for saying the thing out loud: obedience isn’t holiness, and questioning isn’t rebellion—it’s discernment. If your “why” gets you exiled, you were probably closer to God than the ones handing out the behavior charts.
Thank you for your comment 🙏🏾
That is how it felt growing up like I was saying what others weren’t ready to name. A problem for simply asking questions.
Before my grandmother passed, she told me: “If you were born in another time, your voice would be seen for what it is.”
She wasn’t just acknowledging my curiosity she was naming something deeper perhaps also how religion intersects gender and rules I would never master.
Some of us aren’t disruptive we’re ahead of schedule, in the margins not wrong but not quite perfect enough.
But religious spaces often prioritize tradition over truth. They silence those with presence, then celebrate us once we’re gone especially when our bodies were never meant to hold authority in their eyes.
I’m grateful my grandma didn’t let me be punished for my curiosity or my clarity.
Your comment reminded me we’re not alone. We’ve always existed just rarely recognized in real time.
This resonated so much . I went to a convent school, and was sent out of RE every week for asking questions, then when I was 13, one of the nuns told me I was an evil child and was going to hell. I wasn’t a badly behaved child, just undiagnosed neurodivergent, with a passion for justice. Reading posts like this reinforces how I wasn’t the problem, society was. I just hope that 40 years later, things have improved for young people.
Thank you for sharing this your story echoes so many I’ve heard and lived.
I nearly joined a convent myself. I like … genuinely like structure, clarity, the reduced pressure to perform womanhood through clothes and chatter. But when I learned about the Magdalene sisters or sisterhood and what the Sisters did to “disobedient” girls especially neurodivergent ones I walked it back. I said no thanks!
You weren’t the problem. Asking questions isn’t evil. It’s survival. The problem is a society and a theology that punishes discernment and calls it sin when it shows up in girls. Especially girls who notice too much and won’t pretend otherwise. 💔