I am going through a break up of a healthy relationship and it has made me really reflect on my relationship with my father. I am stuck on not feeling safe enough to attempt repair, because I struggle to exist in the fear and discomfort that his anger causes and I do not feel an attempt to repair from my side will be met mutually. I do not know what to do. It feels like I am way more willing and able to work on the relationship.
Really ressonates as I just stepped away from a nearly 20 yr bestie-ship. It was a funky cocktail of phoniness, feeling alienated, receiving defensiveness upon my vulnerable expression of feeling alienated, and overall shift in sharing as a friend. After more phoniness and many conversations of being told I was overreacting and immature, I realized this person really didn’t want to be close friends. I opted for back peddling to an even more surface friendship. We only exchange IG memes now and I can't say that I feel a gaping hole in my heart. When I think back over the years, she never truly let me into her life, whereas, my life and friends were completely open to her. It has me wondering if we were ever really close friends--maybe just Trauma bonded? Maybe it was only meant for a season? 🤷🏽♀️In any case, the foundation was definitely faulty, and I'm not sure if it's meant to be fixed.
WHEW, I screamed reading this: "I’m no longer interested in being someone’s bridge to accountability if they’re only crossing it to be seen, not to stay." thank you for articulating in words exactly how I feel.
Hi! My name is Arianna Martina and I am the author-creator of Bigvalleyblue, a blog I created on behalf of my passion for writing, social, environmental and political activism.
I feature all kinds of artists, creatives -- you name it, on my blog and I would love to feature any of the creatives in this chat! It would mean so much to be able to showcase your work and your thought-process on my page!
If you are interested you can contact me through this email @arianna.martina22@gmail.com OR DM me here, through Substack.
Wow, what an incredibly refreshing read!! "Naming a rupture doesn’t ruin a relationship. It reveals whether there was one at all." is such an important sentiment
This found me at just the right time, thank you!
Can someone pls go back in time and send this to 20 yr old me
We just give old us grace and look at them with grace and tell them current us know better now and will do better for them. 😉
I am going through a break up of a healthy relationship and it has made me really reflect on my relationship with my father. I am stuck on not feeling safe enough to attempt repair, because I struggle to exist in the fear and discomfort that his anger causes and I do not feel an attempt to repair from my side will be met mutually. I do not know what to do. It feels like I am way more willing and able to work on the relationship.
Really ressonates as I just stepped away from a nearly 20 yr bestie-ship. It was a funky cocktail of phoniness, feeling alienated, receiving defensiveness upon my vulnerable expression of feeling alienated, and overall shift in sharing as a friend. After more phoniness and many conversations of being told I was overreacting and immature, I realized this person really didn’t want to be close friends. I opted for back peddling to an even more surface friendship. We only exchange IG memes now and I can't say that I feel a gaping hole in my heart. When I think back over the years, she never truly let me into her life, whereas, my life and friends were completely open to her. It has me wondering if we were ever really close friends--maybe just Trauma bonded? Maybe it was only meant for a season? 🤷🏽♀️In any case, the foundation was definitely faulty, and I'm not sure if it's meant to be fixed.
Such a necessary conversation
This is probably my most important read of the year. I cannot thank you enough for this piece.
“Repair starts with you learning to hold your own discomfort so the people you love don’t have to carry it for you.”
reminded me of
“A boundary without a consequence is just a preference.”
and the idea that if either you apologize or expect the other person to apologize in its setting, then that's actually just manipulation
This is amazing. Thank you so much!
this is soooo helpful. thank you for putting this into words
Thank you for such a thoughtfully written piece.
WHEW, I screamed reading this: "I’m no longer interested in being someone’s bridge to accountability if they’re only crossing it to be seen, not to stay." thank you for articulating in words exactly how I feel.
Hi! My name is Arianna Martina and I am the author-creator of Bigvalleyblue, a blog I created on behalf of my passion for writing, social, environmental and political activism.
I feature all kinds of artists, creatives -- you name it, on my blog and I would love to feature any of the creatives in this chat! It would mean so much to be able to showcase your work and your thought-process on my page!
If you are interested you can contact me through this email @arianna.martina22@gmail.com OR DM me here, through Substack.
Thank you. I hope to hear from you or someone!
Listening first to the voiceover, this quote has stuck with me… “Real community repair needs truth— not performance”. Thank you for this article. 💚
I've been looking for this exact set of words, thank you.
Wow, what an incredibly refreshing read!! "Naming a rupture doesn’t ruin a relationship. It reveals whether there was one at all." is such an important sentiment
Loving the cover art!!